Tag Archives: life

Be Curious, Not Perfect: The Art of Connection

Finding love on the Camino de Santiago. Blaise van Hecke

To be curious is a natural inclination for humans but for many as they grow older they seem to be less so. I’m not sure why this is. Is it about losing a sense of wonder, the child within?

It’s no secret that I turned fifty this year. I don’t hide my age and I have no qualms about growing older because I know what a blessing it is to be here, in good health. Not everyone gets to do that. My life is full of blessings. Too many to count.

To signify turning fifty, I went on a little adventure. I wanted to commemorate and give gratitude to all of my blessings whilst doing something for myself. On this adventure I learned so many things about myself and other people.

It wasn’t really a ‘little’ adventure. I walked across Spain on the Camino de Santiago carrying everything that I needed for six weeks. It still feels surreal to make that statement. For those six weeks I walked over 800 kilometres and went through a gamut of physical, emotional and spiritual transitions. I also met a lot of people from all over the world doing the same thing (I’m not the only hairbrained person). We were all pilgrims looking for something. Some didn’t know what they were looking for, but that question was often answered for them by the time they finished. I certainly didn’t know I was looking for anything, but I sure did get a lot of answers.

The most surprising thing that I noticed about my interactions with other pilgrims was the level of intimacy that was established so quickly after meeting each other. Complete strangers would tell me their deepest desires and secrets. I know it wasn’t about me being receptive to this because others expressed the same experiences. It made me think about why this happens. Was it something about the Camino that allowed people to feel safe? Was there some spiritual force at work?

People were always curious to know more about other people. This curiosity opened up conversations that were beyond the obligatory talk about the weather. On my first day I met a 32-year old German man (how old you are, where you come from and why you’re walking the Camino are opening questions with everyone you meet) who said that he was happily married with a young daughter but felt that something significant was missing from his life. His pain was palpable. I only saw him for a day or two because he was walking faster than me. I hope he found what he was looking for.

The daily inquiry from other people was very revealing. I realised that people wanted to connect with each other and the Camino allowed this to happen at a much faster pace. Not only were they looking for answers for themselves, they wanted to learn about what made others tick: Were they the only one to not feel satisfied with their life? Had they spent their whole life not looking after their body, mind, spirit? So many questions, so many imperfections.

The simple act of embarking on a journey to look for answers, to be curious about life, to want more than they already had was a repeated theme. Talking to a stranger about life somehow allowed for a connection in a safe place. It’s something that we seem to forget in our everyday life and it made me realise that humanity is capable of love, compassion, generosity and kindness despite the fact that there is so much of the opposite in the world today.

Blaise, the book chick.

Write for Your Life Part 5: Storytelling

Good storytelling is about the details: Photo by Blaise van Hecke

How’re you going with your life writing? Have you been working on it over the past two weeks? By now you should have a good idea of the structure and some possible themes. Possibly you have the foundation down for the body of the story, maybe even a first draft.

At this stage, the quality of your work will NOT be publishable. As much as we like to think that we can pen perfect prose in one sitting, this is very rare. There will be snippets of great work that you will like but most of it will need work. This is where the storytelling comes in. It’s after your first draft, when you’ve sorted out the structure and worked out what your story is focused on that you can now shape it to be more engaging to the reader.

Have you ever been in a social setting where someone has related a story to you in such a way that your eyes glaze over and you start looking for ways to exit the conversation? What was it about this exchange that bored you? Too much detail? Too much waffle? No point to the story?

There are many reasons why a story might be boring. It might simply be that the topic doesn’t interest you. It may interest someone else. Don’t expect that everyone will like what you write because it comes down to interest and taste but maybe you can sway someone who isn’t interested in your story by the way you tell it.

What makes a good story? You can probably answer this yourself by thinking about books you’ve read, or movies you’ve seen, and why you liked them. The style, tone, language all play a part. Most importantly, your voice needs to shine through.

How do you find your voice? This is probably the most important aspect of writing and can take work to discover. I can say that the more you write, the more chance you have of finding it. You’ll also know that you’ve found your voice because the writing flows well and you feel like you are in a comfortable space with your writing.

The exercise in part 1 of this blog series is a great exercise to try to help you find your voice because it helps you to access your authentic self. Even writing in a daily journal will help with this because the more you write, the more you find your writing self.

Good writing is about combining your facts with narrative in such a way that you communicate your message to your audience. This is the part that needs work. Some people are naturally good storytellers and can do it without much thought. For many, it’s about the details. What do you put in, what do you leave out? Once you have your first draft, this is when you go over it and assess it. This is where you ask yourself: am I waffling here? Do people care what I had for breakfast on that Friday in 1985? (yes, IF it adds interesting details to the story because you were broke and living on toast 24/7).

Good storytelling is also about good style: Writing that is accessible to the reader and flows well. That comes more easily when you discover your voice. Don’t try to be like another writer because they are a best seller but look at the way they write and see what things they do to engage you as a reader. There are many rules that apply to writing but many good stories that break the rules. Like any art form, it’s about finding what works for you.

Blaise the book chick