I wanted this blog to be awesome because I needed some grand gesture. I wanted to write something that would honour someone very special to me. I wrote it over and over in my head until I realised that nothing I say will convey what I want. Sometimes it happens like that. Maybe it’s too soon. Maybe time is needed to process things in order to be able to give it substance.
Or maybe humans have this overwhelming need to make sense of things. Of life. Do we make it more complicated?
All I know is that we have lost our beloved dog, Bella, and we feel bereft. If you aren’t a dog lover you may roll your eyes but if you are, you will get me. In the few days of life without her, I have marvelled at the fact that this creature wasn’t a whiner or a barker and yet the house is so quiet without her. We are unmoored.
I know that I will be able to use this experience in my writing at some stage. It is too soon now. But to be an artist we need to allow ourselves to feel these experiences in order to be able to use them in our craft. This is what writing is for me, a way of making sense of the world.
In the meantime, I will do what I always do when I feel pain: write it down. These musings won’t be for anyone else but myself, in my journal. They will help me order my feelings, smooth them out, find somewhere to store them.
For now, I have no grand gestures. I can look at this photo of her and see her smiling at me and simply feel thankful for having had her in my life for a short time.